i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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