you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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