Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
