I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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