I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
