I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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