I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
