I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
