Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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