I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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