fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
