I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
