Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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