Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I puked a lego.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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