We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
