found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
