he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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