Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
