it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
