I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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