I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
