dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
