Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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