Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
