McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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