i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
