i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
