I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
