Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
