well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
