4 words: hood of his car
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
high people should be assigned attendants
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You ruined the universe
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
