I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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