I feel like abortions should bother me more
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
