i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
