I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
