so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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