After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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