the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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