She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
