I cockslap morals
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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