I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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