So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
