You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
