ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
