I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
