he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
