Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
