Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
