cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
