then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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