some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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