you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
