i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
