Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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