The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
