Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
