matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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