8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
