I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
