Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
