life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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